In this article we will discuss how to soften your English speaking.
There are following ways you can make your language more polite:
- Request,
- Suggestions
- Questions
Look at following sentences and choose which one is more polite and indirect (or less direct) and why?
- “Pick me up on your way to the party this evening!”
- “I was hoping you could give me a lift to the party!”
So, option 2 is much more polite. We soften requests, suggestions, and questions by using past forms, continuous forms or both. For Example,
“I was wondering if you could give me a lift later.”
We can also make requests softer by using a negative question with a question tag. Like,
“You couldn’t give me a lift later, could you?” or
“I don’t suppose you could pick me up tonight, could you?”
Now, look at these two (02) following opinions, which do you think sounds less direct and more polite?
- “You’re too young to get married!”
- “I reckon you’re a little young to be getting married!”
Clearly, the option 2 is much less direct. It’s softer. We use verbs like reckon, guess, feel to make your opinions less direct and softer. You can also use vague expressions like sort of, kind of, a little bit. It also helps if you make it into a question. “Aren’t you kind of young to be getting married?”
Now, look at these two problems. Which one do you think sounds less direct?
- “You’ve made a mistake in this report!”
- “You seem to have made a mistake here.”
Yes, the option 2 is less direct and softer. We introduce problems with verbs like seem and appear to soften them. Like, “You appear to have saved over all my documents”. And, you could also use these to introduce your own problems. Like, “I seem to have lost those reports you wanted”.
Saying No
Now, look at these two ways of refusing an invitation. Which one sounds less direct and softer?
- “No, I’m not coming to your party this evening.”
- “I’m not sure I’ll be able to make it to your party this evening.”
Again, the second option was much softer and less direct. We find it really hard to say NO! So, instead we use tentative language to soften it. Like, “I’m not sure I’ll make it to your party.” Or “It’s looking unlikely I’ll be able to come this evening”. This basically means “I’m not coming!”
